The Best Advice in the World Won’t Help You—Unless You’re Ready to Hear It
Have you ever sat with a well-meaning friend who gives you solid advice, and instead of feeling relief, you feel annoyed, overwhelmed, or even defensive. Or maybe you’re been in a therapy session, nodding along as the psychologist lays out a clear, rational solution—but deep down, you feel like it’s useless? The problem isn’t the advice itself. It’s that your emotional state determines what you can actually hear, absorb, and act on.
The Common Misconception About Advice
Most people believe that if they could just get the right insight, everything would click into place. But in reality, advice—no matter how brilliant—is only as effective as the state of mind receiving it. If someone is feeling discouraged, anxious, or defeated, their mind isn’t tuned to solutions. They’re tuned to problems.
When someone is in a contractive emotional state, their perception narrows. They filter reality through whatever emotion dominates their mind. Overwhelmed people see obstacles. Hopeless people see dead ends. Frustrated people see resistance. It’s not that solutions don’t exist—it’s that they can’t be perceived from that state.
How Emotional State Affects Perception
Imagine trying to listen to a radio station, but you’re tuned to static. No matter how much you strain to hear, the music won’t come through clearly until you adjust the dial. The same applies to emotional states. If you’re not in the frequency of clarity, you won’t hear clear solutions.
This is why therapy, coaching, or even self-help books sometimes don’t seem to work. If the mind is stuck in resistance, doubt, or stress, it will reject, distort, or ignore helpful insights simply because they don’t match the emotional filter in place.
Calibration First, Solutions Second
Instead of trying to force a solution while stuck in a contracted state, the real work is moving forward on the emotional scale first. Once you shift into a state of openness—hopefulness, calm, or even just mild relief—your perception expands, and suddenly, the advice that once felt impossible or frustrating starts to make sense.
This is why calibration is the missing piece in personal growth. Before pushing forward with logic, action plans, or mindset shifts, you have to first shift how you feel.
Real-World Example
Picture two people who just lost their jobs. The first is spiralling into frustration and fear. When a friend suggests new opportunities, they scoff: “No one is hiring. It’s hopeless.” The second, after calibrating their emotions and reaching a neutral state, hears the same suggestion and thinks: “That’s not a bad good idea. Maybe I’ll check it out.”
Same advice. Two completely different reactions—because their emotional states determined what they could perceive.
Here’s What To Do About It
If therapy, coaching, or advice hasn’t worked for you before, it’s not because the wisdom was wrong. It’s because emotional state matters more than logic. Calibration isn’t about forcing yourself to feel better instantly—it’s about making small, intentional shifts so that your mind can actually recognize the solutions that were there all along.
So before you try to fix your life, fix your frequency. Once you do that, everything else starts falling into place.
A Simple But Powerful Game To Improve Your Emotional State
If you tend to solve problems, sort through issues, or process why something might have happened in the hope you will feel better afterwards—then maybe it’s time to experience the power of feeling better first so solutions come more naturally.
Give emotional calibration a quick try by leaning into the simplicity of quickly answering these intentionally leading, but potent questions. P.S. There are no right or wrong answers—they’re just meant to be felt 🌟
Play the "Would I Rather" Game…
Scientific Backing: Emotional States Influence Perception
There’s strong scientific backing for why emotional states influence perception, cognition, and decision-making. Here are some key psychological and neuroscientific theories that support this idea:
1. Emotional States Shape Perception – The Role of the Amygdala & Prefrontal Cortex
✽ The amygdala, a key emotional processing center in the brain, plays a crucial role in filtering information based on emotional states. When someone is in a fearful, anxious, or stressed state, the amygdala hijacks cognitive resources and shifts perception toward threats, making it harder to process positive or neutral information.
✽ The prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational thought and decision-making, functions optimally when emotional regulation is in place. Stress, overwhelm, and frustration impair its ability to take in new perspectives or solutions.
🔬 Study: Research by Arnsten (2009) shows that stress hormones like cortisol can weaken prefrontal cortex function, making logical reasoning and problem-solving more difficult when someone is emotionally distressed.
2. Selective Attention – The Brain Filters What It Wants to See
✽ Our brains don’t process all information equally. Instead, we engage in selective attention, meaning we focus on what aligns with our current emotional and mental state.
✽ Someone in a state of anger or fear will literally see more threats in their environment, while someone in a calm, receptive state is more likely to notice opportunities and solutions.
🔬 Study: A 2005 study by Todd et al. found that people in a negative mood selectively focus on threatening stimuli, while those in a positive mood are more likely to perceive broader possibilities and focus on opportunities.
3. Broaden-and-Build Theory – Positive Emotions Expand Perception
✽ Barbara Fredrickson’s “Broaden-and-Build Theory” (1998) suggests that positive emotional states like joy, hope, and curiosity expand cognitive capacity. They allow for greater creativity, problem-solving, and openness to new ideas.
✽ Conversely, negative emotional states narrow focus (known as “tunnel vision”), making it harder to process complex solutions or perspectives.
🔬 Study: Fredrickson’s research shows that when people experience positive emotions, they are better at seeing multiple solutions to a problem—whereas people in negative emotional states default to rigid, black-and-white thinking.
4. Cognitive Reappraisal – Your Emotional State Rewrites Reality
✽ Cognitive reappraisal is the process where emotions actively change the way we interpret events.
✽ If someone is in an anxious state, even neutral feedback can be perceived as criticism.
✽ If someone is in a hopeful state, that same feedback might be seen as constructive guidance.
🔬 Study: A study by Ochsner et al. (2002) using fMRI scans found that participants who actively reappraised a situation could shift their brain activity, reducing activation in the amygdala and increasing activity in the prefrontal cortex—literally changing their perception of events in real time.
5. The Reticular Activating System (RAS) – Your Brain’s Filter for Reality
✽ The Reticular Activating System (RAS) is a network in the brainstem that filters information based on what your brain considers “important.”
✽ Your emotional state programs your RAS to focus on certain things while filtering out others.
✽ If you’re in a state of frustration, your RAS will highlight what’s wrong in a situation.
✽ If you’re in a state of optimism, your RAS will pick up on possibilities and solutions.
🔬 Study: Research on the RAS shows that it plays a critical role in attention and awareness, influencing what we consciously perceive based on emotional and cognitive priming (Moruzzi & Magoun, 1949).
Final Thought: Emotions Aren’t Just “Feelings”—They Shape Reality
These findings confirm that emotions aren’t just reactions to life—they are active participants in how we perceive and process the world. This is why emotional calibration matters: Before we can “see” solutions, we have to be in a state where we can recognize them.
Try one of these step by step emotional upgrades and find out for yourself.
